If I had to go back in my piles of journals from the past 20 years, I am confident that the most prevelant topic which would come up again and again is the subject of TRUST. I certainly remember that this focus was the main theme of my journaling for at least the first five years. Why?
It took me years to really understand that if my heart is listening and my pen is writing and my intentions are worthy - but I don't believe a word that God is speaking to me or believe in His deep love for me - then there is nothing there to hold on to. I am giving the Lord very little to work with if my anchor is stuck at the bottom of an ocean of empty worldly promises, holding me back from the freedom of His powerful love. If there isn't at least a deep desire to trust, then my time and my writings just become a hobby that is fueled by curiosity. My journaling would be no more comforting to me than somebody else's ramblings on the theory of life, and there would never be a reason to share it with those who need a word of peace or joy or hope in difficult or trying times.
My trust in Jesus' words to me, my trust in His promises in scripture, and my trust in His love which claims me as His own, must be at the center of who I am. It must be a conscious choice I make every day - Jesus, I trust in You!
It was in the late 1920's that Jesus, Himself, made this message very clear to His little daughter, Sister Faustina Kowalska++. During her very short life, (she died at the age of 33), Jesus used this little servant to write down all that He taught her with regard to His infinite mercy and endless love. More than anything, He reminded little Faustina that we must come to Him without reserve, trusting in His adorable love for us, believing in His promises and burning desire to be our closest confidant. There is never, ever a time that our Lord turns away or gives up on us, or becomes bored with our apathy, or doesn't want to hear us complaining again. Never does our Beloved turn a deaf ear to us. He is always waiting for our hearts to turn toward His.
Throughout most of her religious life in the convent, this little Polish nun kept a log - known as The Diary of St. Maria Faustina - which is a journal of her intimate and powerful conversations with the Lord. These writings were so imbued with the Divine Love of the Holy Spirit that they captured the hearts of readers from their very first publishing, and have now been translated into over 20 languages to be circulated around the world. Why is this Diary such a sought after book? Because it lifts that veil to the Lord's mercy in a way that most have never understood before, allowing a new trust to enter in and take hold. When trust is allowed to take root, God is given more and more of His rightful claim to our hearts - bringing His powerful love and abundant peace to make their home within.
And so I share with you a journal entry on this important topic. This is from one of our group leaders in New Hampshire. He has been gracious in sharing his journaling over the years with his group, encouraging all of their members to "listen and log" what the Lord is speaking to their hearts. His entry is beautiful and captures the essence of how Jesus speaks uniquely to each of us according to the God-given character of our hearts. His spring board on this occasion was from two lines - one in Acts, Chapter 14, and the other from John, Chapter 14:
Strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them and saying through many tribulations we must enter the Kingdom of God. (Acts 14:22)
“Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid". (John14: 27b)
Doubt - why do you doubt? Sometimes it is more, and sometimes it is less; like a tide, it leaves and returns. It can be a high tide or a low tide. Like the tide is affected by a force acting on the sea, so your doubt is a result of a force too. While the sea cannot resist the force of gravity, you can resist the force affecting you. You are not doubting Me you say, but yourself; but I say you are still doubting Me. For I have said to you that the force within you far exceeds the force without you. I have overcome all that stands in your way but you must trust in Me and accept what I give and how I wish to interact with you, how I wish to draw you to Me. The battle is interior My son. Remember this and face the enemy. Do not turn your back to it, but with feet spread be immoveable against it. Gird your loins and pick up your cross and say, “Lord I know you are with me. I am struggling with myself, rise up and protect me.” This is it. You will have to go further into the night to grow closer to the dawn. Bring your doubt in yourself before Me and slay it, for your enemies are My enemies. Remember what Paul said, "Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ Jesus”. He is right My son. Nothing can separate us unless you walk away, and I can see you are not. Can’t you see it too?
My precious brothers and sisters in Christ - our greatest battle which needs to be fought daily is that battle within! Now is the time for us to strengthen our resolve to trust in the grace and mercy of God. Now is the time for us to stand and make a conscious choice to give our Beloved all that He asks of us, that we may live in great freedom to finally be the children we were created to be - precious and holy in His sight.
There is no better place to be, no better freedom to experience, no better life to live - than to allow ourselves to be fully alive in Him. Where else could we possibly go ? JN 6:68